Meltdowns

...I haven't posted in a few days....because frankly...I've been a mess. It has been pretty emotional.

    Monday morning, Arwen woke with a rash on her face.  I spent the day Sunday stressing about if she would be allowed to go to her first day of Kindergarten on Monday.  I also spent Sunday, scouring the internet and social media, looking for answers.  Monday morning I took her straight in to the office and explained that she was a new student and that she had this rash.  We went to the nurse's office.  The nurse allowed her to stay.  I still needed some peace of mind so I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment for that afternoon.
The school was great, answering all my questions etc   The para in Arwen's class is a godsend.  They had not yet found a teacher for her class and had a substitute. The kids in her class are so precious. I picked her up early and took her to the doctor.  Everything is ok with the rash. It appears to be a contact rash.

Kindergarten Day 2
I took her in and talked with the para again. This time I was armed with a list of questions, which she graciously answered.  All was well ....until in my idle time, I received a message from the transportation department. They were letting me know Rowan's bus information.  Then, the anvil fell on my head. What about his cars?  He doesn't go anywhere without his cars. Then I really start panicking, thinking about how scared he will be. Most of the time he is in his own little world. How will they get him to conform to anything.  What methods will they use and disciplinary measures?  I don't like it.  I don't want him to go.  I want him to stay home.  I wanted some free time to take care of things....maybe go to the gym...gather my sanity.......but now......NO! I don't want him to go.  I'll be alone.....while he is confused. Will he think I abandoned him? He won't understand I can't do it. I can't let him go.....and I started sobbing.  Then, I gathered my composure and remembered that this is necessary.  This will help him. He may love it.  He will learn things that I can't teach him.  He will be with other kids, doing loads of activities.  He'll be ok.
............it was time for me to get him up from his nap and go get Arwen from school.  What a FIASCO. The place the teacher told me to go was full (even though I got there early).  I had to park in a no parking zone with 15 other cars and frantically rush to find her.  She was not around.  Another teacher told me she would be in a different spot.  I waited there,......I was getting really nervous.  The other cars that were in the no parking zone were moving. The principal was in the lot.  I went up to him...distraught and harried....I told him where my car was...and why it was there.  I thanked me and said it was ok to be parked there.  I went back to the area where they said she would be.   Still no sign.  Another one of the staff that I have talked to a few times came up to me and said....."the special needs kids come out at a different door where the bus kids come out".  She walked me there and told me that she had found a teacher for Arwen's class. I was grateful to hear that.  The second Arwen saw me......she started screaming and threw herself on the ground.  It was because she REALLY wanted to ride on the school bus.  I and the other teachers explained why she couldn't go on the bus that day.  She was not having it. This was the worst tantrum she has ever had.  I tried to get her to walk with me to the car.  She refused and continued screaming.  I pulled her toward the sidewalk and she wouldn't walk but went down on the ground again.  I couldn't carry her because I was holding Rowan.  My back was already hurting and it would be very risky to try to carry her while she was having a tantrum.  She might have injured Rowan.  A staff member intervened.  She told me to go get my car and pull way forward, away from the buses, and she would help me get Arwen in the car.  I did...and somehow she was able to calm Arwen and get her to the car.  Arwen was shouting and saying she would never go to my house etc.  I am sure it was suspicious, because the lady started asking questions.  She didn't know Arwen was autistic, or that she struggles with transitions.  Arwen was very mean so i was silent the rest of the way home to help her calm down.  I felt like I was going to have a meltdown myself....they crying type....but I didn't.  Once we got inside....Arwen said she was sorry and we had a long talk about school, the bus, and her day.  Everything was ok again.