I think I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Arwen was fine all morning until AGAIN it was time to go down the stairs at preschool. This morning was the worst one yet. She refused to go PERIOD. She threw her self down on the floor at the top of the stairs, screaming, crying, and shouting NO! NO! NO!
She is very afraid of these stairs and typically goes very slow. The other day her teacher (whom is wonderful)m was going down with the group, holding Arwen's hand...and was going a little too fast for Arwen.....I think she may have fell. But I know the panic started there.
Anyway...she was crying ...I was holding her 30-40 lb brother in one arm....trying to coax her to get up.
Holding him alone causes me back pain.......bending over causes me severe back pain....I had to pick her up with the other arm....and carry them both down three flights of stairs. OUCH.
At the bottom, she was fine. We get to the breakfast table and she starts to space out....she won't sit. Her teacher helps her find a seat. I walk away she tears up begging for a kiss. I forgot to kiss. I ran back (stupid of me) to kiss her. That escalated the crying. I rushed out...shaking and cried the entire walk home.
These tantrums because of fears have become a daily thing. I try, and try to help her...to ease her into the world gently. I AM A FAILURE.
I am a failure because I have always done EVERYTHING for my children and never allowed them to do things for themselves. I hope I can step back....and let them become the people they are supposed to be.
I do this in everything....when I managed the store ...I took all the work on myself. And I am doing it again at home.
It's breaking me.......the thing I love most....being a mommy......is breaking me.
I feel like giving up....but I never will.
The biggest issue I have is .
1 .The back pain is making it impossible to do even the simplest thing as change a diaper.
2 .I wear my heart on my sleeve and take everything personal.
Yes, I exercise alot......but I do not know how to shake all this stress and pain.
I could easily become an alcoholic or drug addict........but I choose not to.
I want to be the best for them......not cringe every time someone jumps on me or wants to horse play.
How do I help her conquer all these fears?
I know it is so, so hard to handle but at her age, these intense fears are all too common. Remain calm yourself and she'll catch on too eventually.
ReplyDeleteDo you give yourself any breaks? You sound like you're in dire need of some self care.
Upon her retrieval, she has now learned she is a big girl, she CAN do it...and by HERSELF! My relief is immeasurable.
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